Procrastination and Prayer

Today I discovered that there is a fine balance between "waiting on God" and simple procrastination. Let me explain.

Yesterday evening was a life-changing point for me. I received a letter from Cincinnati Conservatory. For the 2nd time in my life, I was rejected at the same school. At first, I already knew what the letter was going to say and while disappointed in the news, I was not really shocked. I was actually kind of proud of how I handled myself. I didn't throw a huge pitty party for myself. Rather, I looked at the facts: How I played, how I felt the day of the audition, how many others were receiving the same letter and feeling the same feelings as myself.

But today something different happened. I slept in, I avoided the piano, and eventually I actually "tried to practice". I had my devotions this morning (which to be completely honest, was the first really good devotional time I've had in a while). And I felt like I was doing my best to let things go and trust God. But somehow, God knew that I wasn't handling things as well as I thought I was, and He always knows the right thing to do.

I went back to the piano, and after about 40 minutes of letting my mind wander while my fingers tried to play, I just quit and started aimlessly trying to get a hold of a friend or 2 to talk to. Before I could reach any of them, a friend I didn't expect to talk to, Imelda, called me at just the right time.

I have been helping Imelda lately with her papers from Bibliography since I took the class 2 years ago. When she called me she thought I was sick because I sounded so down. Before I knew it, someone I didn't even consider a really close friend, was listening to me cry about how I don't know what I want with my life or where it is going.

It was so good just to talk. And because God brought me this special friend, at just the right time, I was able to experience letting someone share my burdens. Rather than rush me off the phone with a few "feel good" phrases, Imelda really listened. She understood what I was going through and made me feel like my feelings were normal and important. She will probably never know how much that phone call meant to me, but it helped in more ways than my homework tutoring has helped her.

I guess there is no realy profound message I'm trying to make. I just wanted to express how thankful I am that God always brings us someone when we really need it, and that He is always patient with our human doubts and fears. I just woke up from a nap and now I'm going to go face myself and practice. And no matter what happens with Texas next week, I'm going to trust that God is in control.

Please pray for me that my mom and I will have a safe trip to and from Texas, and that I will play with my heart, and open myself up to these strangers, holding nothing back and taking a chance. If I do that, I know I will not regret the trip, regardless of what comes out of it.